Creative conversation- take 2

So a little over a month ago, when I thought this blog was basically just going to be me interviewing people about why they love to creative, I decided to walk into a small “gift shop and creative hub” down the street from me to talk to the owners about why they opened the store. But then I very quickly chickened out. It just seemed like too much pressure! And who was I to interview them? I mean, I had published exactly one blog post before walking into the store. Not much street cred there.

Since then, I’ve started exploring my own creative journey a little more through this blog and don’t really feel like I need to rely on interviews for my posts (Instagram is another story though. What exactly am I doing with that???). Which means…less pressure in talking to other people about their creative journeys and that allowed me to easily walk in and start up a 15-minute conversation with Laura, one of the owners. And it was awesome!

No straight interview, but she had a really interesting story and brought up a number of ideas and a creativity podcast that I’m going to dedicate some time to in future posts (I’m trying to post something every day or two, so don’t want to spill everything all at once!). For now though, I’ll just say that I’m at least feeling a bit more confident about this project than I did last month. And that growth feels pretty darn good.

Also, I’m gonna sign up for one of her classes…stop by too if you are near Oakland!

Dancing in the Waves

Here is the first version of the very short story I referenced in my last post, inspired by the “dream” I received at The No Sleep Hotel. The goal here was to write a story about letting go and dancing with our fear rather than fighting it. As always, I welcome any feedback/reactions people may have!

Dancing in the Waves

I found myself clutching onto the side of the boat, petrified of letting go and falling into the violent sea.

“Please, somebody save me!” I shouted into the darkness. “The waves are menacing and will surely crush me!”

But as I looked up to the moon for help, its light cast a spell on the tides and the waves rocked with fury.

“Please!!!” I again begged, fighting each of the sea’s attempts to capsize me. “I can’t hang on much longer!”

And with that, I was thrown into the sea and desperately grasped for my boat, for I could not remember how to swim.

All hope faded as my head crashed into the bottom of the deep sea. I let my final breath escape from my lungs and clutched a handful of sand and shells.

“At least I can stand one last time,” I thought to myself as the sea began to turn black. And stand I did, thrusting myself above the water, the tide rolling gently past my waist. I looked down at the sea and saw a silhouette moving in the reflection from the moonlight, so free and full of life. And I realized that the silhouette was me, laughing and dancing in the waves.

The Playa provides

I had a simple creative goal at Burning Man- think of at least one new story idea. Given all of the creative inspiration on the Playa, that seemed almost laughably achievable! But as the week flew by and I was approaching my final hour at Burning Man, I found myself biking around an increasing empty Black Rock City, incredibly fulfilled from my best Burn yet, but frustrated that it seemed almost certain that I would not meet my goal.

“The Playa provides!” is an almost cliched catchphrase that you often hear during Burning Man when someone is of need of something, be it food and coffee for a weary sunrise chaser, a cool place to sleep during the scorching daylight hours, or a hug from a stranger after a challenging day. But a creative breakthrough? In the final hour? Likely not in this case.

As I biked up to the dark 8:30 and A intersection, I noticed about 20 glowing bikes parked outside an inviting dome and decided to step inside and wait there for my wife to finish up her final nursing shift in the medical tent down the street. The No Sleep Hotel, as the dome was called, could have been pulled straight out of the 1920’s, with a phonograph sitting on an old piano next to a man typing away on a dusty typewriter.

“Do you have a dream?” asked a woman next to me after I sat down by the piano.

“Excuse me?”

“A dream. Have you received a dream yet?”

“Ummm…I don’t believe so.”

“Then ask the man at the front door. He’ll give you the dream you need.”

Typically, I would be skeptical about a woman at a bar suggesting I ask the man working the front door for a dream. I mean, the chances are pretty good this was just a prank that would result in laughter at my expense, right? But this was my final hour at Burning Man and the Playa does theoretically provide, so why not take a chance?

“One dream, please,” I said to the man.

“One dream?

“Sorry, the woman by the piano said I should ask you for a dream.”

“Ah,” he said as he looked over at the woman and then pulled out five dusty blue envelopes and began shuffling them. “One of these is your dream. Maybe…no…OK, this is your dream. No, wait…this one,” he said and then handed me my alleged destiny.

Relieved I hadn’t yet been mocked and excited about the possibility of discovering my lifelong dream, I sat back down by the piano, opened the blue envelope, and read the following passage:

“I sailed on a glittering sea, and it was land. The horizon was the edge of the earth- where it fell off, anyway. The tides of the moon’s gravity made the earth roll, and it was I, dancing in the waves.”

The tides of the moon’s gravity made the earth roll, and it was I, dancing in the waves. That line gave me chills. I have heard so often over the last six months the idea of dancing with our fear rather than fighting it. I find the image of waves (symbolizing fear or challenges or adversity) crashing into a man and watching him gently dance with it absolutely stunning.

And that image is now the ending of my new VERY short story, Dancing in the Waves. The Playa does, in fact, provide.

Two inspired eyeballs

What a fascinating, wonderfully weird place Burning Man is. I just attended for the first time in five years (my third Burn overall) and to say I that feel newly inspired to create is just a laughable understatement. The conversations, the mind-blowing art, the music, and the time to just sit and think without the distraction of a phone have all helped me to better understand what drives people to put something new into the world, and why I want to be a member of that community of creators.

And it really is a community, even though many of us work on our projects in isolation until the “big reveal,” which many times never actually happens, especially for my fellow writers and me who often feel we are dependent on a publisher in order to share our stories with the world. I personally often think of my creative projects with a wide lens- how many people can I get to read my stories? Of course, I also really hope they love them, but I want LOTS of people to love them. If just one person reads my story and is inspired by it? COMPLETE FAILURE!!!

But is it really? There are so, so many art pieces scattered throughout the Playa at Burning Man, many a long trek from anything else and the only way you would see it is by randomly biking by it on a journey to the trash fence. And these art pieces took months if not years to create! What if just a handful of people passed by one of them, decided to stop, and then took enough time to truly take in the piece. Would that have been worth it to the artist? Of course, you’d have to ask the artist personally, but I’d bet she’d ask a follow-up question, something like, “did my art piece change the way those few people thought of the world? Or of themselves?” And I’d hope that if the answer is yes, then the artist would feel the time spent creating the piece was well worth it.

But what if only half of the people who saw it truly loved it and the rest thought it was just OK or (gasp) didn’t like it? If it were me, I might race right onto the Playa with a U-Haul (of course, abiding by the 5 mph speed limit), grab the art piece, and hide it from humanity. But as people like Questlove and Seth Godin have said, you have to not only understand who you are as an artist and who your creation is for, but you also have to understand who you are not as an artist and who your creation is not for.

Maybe your art project just wasn’t for those people who thought it was OK or didn’t like it. Let’s focus on the half that loved it because it actually inspired them. And really, if I can inspire one person with one of my stories, I really do need to put my ego aside for just a second and remember that creation isn’t always about going wide and getting as many eyeballs on my work as possible. It’s about going deep as well, even if that means just two inspired eyeballs.

What's next?

So I feel like my story is in a decent place. Again, not perfect, but decent. So what’s next? Why did I write this story in the first place? Definitely not to sit on my computer or on a blog post that only a handful of people will read (until this blog explodes that is!).

The point of this particular story is to help kids (and their parents) understand that they can shine even if they aren’t perfect or haven’t accomplished everything they or their parents think they should have or are told their light is too bright. And to get that message across, it would be REALLY helpful to have an agent so I’m not spamming magazines and publishers with an unsolicited story. Is this the only way? Probably not. But it’s the path I’m sticking with for now.

So…getting an agent. I haven’t had much success with this in the past. Was it my stories? My cover letters? The agents I reached out to? Tough to say, as most of my rejection letters have been form rejections without any feedback. With the day off today and little on the agenda, I’m going to spend a few hours trying to determine where I might have gone wrong in the past and what I can do to have more success moving forward. And then send off some emails! I probably won’t lead with this story, as I’m still not sure it’s exactly where I want it to be, but if I don’t any responses to my older stories, this one is on deck.

A better (but far from perfect) version

OK, so after sitting with the feedback from my writer’s group and pushing through my resistance to again work on an old story, I was able to put together a better version of the story I had posted last week. Basically, here was the key feedback:

1) Oliver should get permission from the stars to light them up. He shouldn’t just do it on his own without asking them first. That sounds a little…intrusive.

2) Star Command shouldn’t tell Oliver that he only needs to light up three stars before the other stars realize they can light themselves up on their own. That should just come out in the story.

And 3) we should know more about what Oliver thinks about this mission…is he excited? Worried? Freaked out?

So here is the current version. I’d still welcome feedback! Email me at jasonpdolan@gmail.com.

The Star Lighter

Oliver is a star lighter, fresh from the famous Star Lighters Academy. And just like all of his fellow lighters, Oliver’s mission is to fly across the universe in search of stars whose light has dimmed.

(Illustration note: Oliver receives a call while flying his space jet)

“Oliver,” said star command, “we need your help. All of the stars in the Milky Way Galaxy are beginning to go dark. I know this is your first mission, but you are the closest lighter to the galaxy and we must act quickly or else every star could go dark in just a few hours. You must find a way to reignite the stars and illuminate the sky.”

“Star command, Oliver here. I’m on the case.” (Illustration note: Oliver's eyes bulge and he stares into space like a deer in headlights.)

“Thank you, Oliver. And good luck.”

“Oh no,” said Oliver. “What have I gotten myself into? Save the Milky Way Galaxy? Alone?! In a matter of hours?!!! How???”

(Illustration note: Oliver arrives in the Milky Way Galaxy)

“Uh, hello,” Oliver said to a star that was nearly as black as the sky. “My name is Oliver and I’m here to light your fire!”

“Hi, Oliver. I’m Canis Majoris.”

“Canis…aren’t you the largest star in the whole galaxy?”

“Thanks a lot for reminding me, Oliver. Nobody wants to see my plump celestial body illuminated in the sky. Please, just let the darkness wash over me and protect me from the universe.”

“Well, I think you have a heavenly body, Canis! The bigger you are, the brighter you shine. I bet all of the other stars would love to see you light up the sky.”

“You really think so?”

“Oh, I know I would!” said a star to the right, as it winked at Canis. “You are far too beautiful to hide in the darkness.”

(Illustration note: Canis grins and turns beat red with embarrassment)

“OK, Oliver. Go ahead.”

(Illustration note: Oliver lights Canis with the flame from his torch. Just then, a dark shooting star flies past Oliver on its way to a neighboring galaxy.)

“Wait!!!” yelled Oliver as he chased after the shooting star. “What’s your name?!”

“I’m not important enough for a name!” it yelled back.

“Can I at least light your fire before you go?”

“Not yet! I have to first set a speed record around the universe and then I’ll finally be good enough for the other stars to notice me. Right now, I’m a nobody!”

“But don’t you realize you are enough already?” asked Oliver. “Just look at how fast you are. You don’t need to set a record for other stars to notice you!”

"I don't?" asked the star as it slowed down.

"Oh, hey there!" yelled a group of shooting stars. "You were flying so fast we didn't even see you! What's your name?"

"Well...,” said the star as it thought of a name. “You can call me...Essy."

"Hi, Essy! Nice to meet you! Want to join us? We're about to head over to the Andromeda Galaxy for an adventure."

"I’d love to!"

"Great! It's dark out there beyond the Milky Way, so you'll need to find some more light!"

“OK, Oliver. Go ahead," said Essy to Oliver.

(Illustration note: Oliver flies over to the Essy and lights it up. Essy’s light soars across the galaxy. The other shooting stars smile and they all make their way on their journey).

“Hi Oliver," said a timid star timid star hiding behind the moon. "I heard you talking to that shooting star, but don’t waste your time with me. I mess everything up."

"Are you the sun?!" asked Oliver in amazement.

"I was the sun, but I just can't do it anymore. The other stars tell me I do it all wrong and shine too brightly and ruin the night.”

"But the people of Earth need your light!"

"They do?"

"Yes! They need it to help them find where they are going and to keep them warm. Without you, they'll be doomed! Don’t dim your light to make the other stars feel better."

"OK, Oliver.” ((Illustration note: Oliver flies toward the sun to light its fire).

“Actually, I remember how to do this myself,” said the sun.

"Then shine proudly, light up the Earth, and show everyone what’s possible!”

(Illustration note: The sun reignites its fire. Night becomes day on earth and the other stars look on with wonder and amazement and begin shining far brighter than they had before.)

“Well done, Oliver,” said star command. “Well done. You have saved the stars of the Milky Way Galaxy.”

“Thank you, star command, but they have saved themselves. I just helped them remember how.”

Revisions

Man, do I not feel like revising my latest story. I want to create something new! Something that will change lives or make people laugh! I don't want to fix what was wrong with my last story and then fix it again after people tell me the new beginning still doesn't work.

But really, if I am going to put out a story that people are really going to connect with, chances are I'm not going to get it right the first time. So I gotta lean into feedback and criticism, understand what's not working, and change it. And then change it again. And again. Boring and frustrating as it may be, this is how I'm going to become a better writer. And write a story that matters to people.

Twisting a familiar story

This week in my monthly writer’s group session, one of the writers brought up the idea of taking a well-known Brothers Grimm fairy tail and putting a new spin on it. Like making it four sisters saving a prince instead of four brothers saving a princess. And once we removed the constraints of the original story, we were able to brainstorm new trades or powers each sister possessed instead of sticking with what the Brothers Grimm decided on. And was a dragon holding the prince hostage…or was it his male privilege? This was pretty darn fun.

It reminded me of yet another suggestion from Neil Gaiman in his Master Class: take a scene everyone is familiar with, a cliche, and twist it 45 degrees. I’ve always thought I had to come up with a completely original plot for each new story I’ve worked on and almost thought of taking from other stories as cheating in a way. In reality, sometimes this approach is even more creative and original…and a lot more fun.

Time to write

OK, so maybe I’m not yet ready to have those thrilling conversations with creative folks about why they do what they do. Something is holding me back and I suspect it has to do with the fact that I am not creating much myself. So…I’m writing today for the first time in weeks. And I’m going to try to write every day, even if just a few words. Today, I’m writing a second draft of a children’s story I’ve been working on for months. Basically, I want people (both kids and adults) to feel like they don’t have to be perfect in order to shine. I’d love to hear some feedback!

The Star Lighter 

Oliver is a star lighter, fresh from the famous Star Lighters Academy. And just like all of his fellow lighters, Oliver’s mission is to fly across the universe in search of stars whose light has dimmed.  

(Illustration note: Oliver receives a call while flying his space jet)

“Oliver,” said star command, “we need your help. All of the stars in the Milky Way Galaxy are beginning to go dark. I know this is your first mission, but you are the closest lighter to the galaxy and we must act quickly or else every star could go dark in hours. If you can reignite just a few stars, other stars will remember that they too can shine brightly and we will illuminate the sky.”

“Star command, Oliver here. I’m on the case.”

“Thank you, Oliver. And good luck.”

(Oliver travels through space to the Milky Way). 

“Oh, hello,” said the first star he approached. (star looks meek and sad). “Did star command send you?”

“Yes, nice to meet you. My name is Oliver and I’m here to light your fire!”

“Hi, Oliver. I’m Canis Majoris. Like I told space command, nobody wants to see my plump celestial body illuminated in the sky. Please, just let the darkness wash over me and protect me from the universe.”

“Well I think you have a heavenly body! The bigger you are, the brighter you shine!” yelled Oliver as he soared past the star and reignited its flame with his torch. “You are far too beautiful to hide in the darkness.”

(The star smiles broadly as another star winks at it)

Just then, a dark shooting star flew past Oliver on its way to a neighboring galaxy. 

“Wait!!!” yelled Oliver as he chased after it. “What’s your name?!”

“I’m not important enough for a name!” it yelled back.

“Can I at least light your fire before you go?”

“Not yet! I have to first set a speed record around the universe and then I’ll finally be good enough for the other stars to notice me. Right now, I’m a nobody!”

“But don’t you realize you are enough already?” asked Oliver. “Just look at how fast you are. You don’t need to set a record for stars to notice you!”

(Oliver catches up to the star and lights it up)

“Look how you shimmer and shine!” he yelled as the star’s light soared across the galaxy. 

(The star slows down and smiles)

“Can you call me Essy?” asked the shooting star.

“Essy it is!” said Oliver, as a group of shooting stars asked Essy to join them.

“Don’t waste your time with me,” yelled a timid star moving toward a black hole. “I mess everything up. The other stars tell me I do it all wrong and ruin the night.”

“Oh Sirius, that’s because you are the brightest of all the stars. Don’t dim your light to make others feel better. Shine proudly, light up the galaxy, and show everyone what’s possible!”

(Oliver reignites Sirius and it lights up the night sky. The other stars look on with wonder and amazement and begin shining far brighter than they had before.)

“Well done, Oliver,” said star command. “Well done. You have saved the stars of the Milky Way Galaxy.”

“Thank you, star command, but they have saved themselves. I just showed them how.”

Creative conversations...or the lack-thereof

So I made my way into a small “gift shop and creative hub” down the street from my house in Oakland, hoping to have a riveting conversation with the owner about why he started the business, how the classes are going, if he’d like to appear on my blog, etc. Instead I walked in, browsed the store, and bounced within 3 minutes without even saying as much as “hello” to the owner.

I’ve been doing sales as a full-time job for years, so I wonder why it is so hard for me to strike up these creative conversations. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am currently the only person who will read this blog post, outside of my occasional visitors from China (Helloooo China! I love you!!!!), only have like 80 followers on Instagram, and don’t really consider this project legit just yet.

What will it take for me to feel “legit” so that I can approach creative people with more confidence? 500 followers and 10 daily visits? 10,000 followers and 100 daily visits? Or maybe I can just embrace this project as something that is important to me and stop worrying about metrics that others will find impressive.

And as the author, Neil Gaiman, said in his Master Class, “The important thing is that you took the boat out, you tried and you learned. It can be just a short trip and you may not succeed, but at least you went on the trip.” Thanks, Neil. I went on the trip. And I’ll be back in the boat tomorrow.

Here we go!

Alright, it’s about time to get this thing going. Post #1, the start of something big! Huge! Or maybe I’ll be the only one who reads it. Who knows! And who cares, cause I feel fired up just typing this up and I gotta follow that feeling.

So what’s this blog going to be about? Likely a little raw, behind-the-scenes look at my creativity journey and also an exploration into what drives other people. I’m probably a little more excited about the second part of that, as it will give me an excuse to bother people doing really inspiring work.

So…who should I talk to next? No seriously, I really don’t know. What am I doing again? Is this really a good idea? Damn you, self-doubt!

OK, focus. Breathe. Let’s get off the couch, drive into town, and see who I run into and where that leads…